In a few short months I will be having a milestone birthday. As much as I hate to admit it, I will be turning 40. This wonderful upcoming event sparked a conversation between my husband and I not too long ago.
We were sitting at the table eating breakfast and out of the blue he said “So what do you want to do for your birthday?” My first response was “I don’t know.” Then I quickly followed that up with “Put me on a tropical beach somewhere with a drink in my hand, no screaming kids, no chores, no cooking, no responsibilities.” I think he thought I was joking. But seriously. That would be my wish. I am in desperate need of a kid free vacation and time to refresh myself. That being said, it won’t happen since we have a toddler in the mix.
While Jeff seemed to move past my real answer to the question he posed, he quickly moved to pose a new question wanting to know why women say one thing, but really mean another. As in husband asking wife what she wants to do for her 40th birthday, wife saying nothing, wife secretly wanting husband to throw an elaborate surprise party, husband not being able to read wife’s mind. (I am not referring to myself here, just giving an example of his point!)
That question got me to thinking. He’s right you know, often times women do not say what they really want or are thinking, even when our husband’s ask us. Why is this? I began to ponder over the question. This is MY take on it, for what that’s worth!
First of all, we all know that there are proven communication differences and thought processes between men and women. But, I believe that deep down women don’t want to have to tell their husband, partner, significant other, what exactly it is that they want! I think that women want to feel that their partner has taken the time to think about them enough and come up with an idea all on their own, not be told what they should do for a special occasion, or any day. They want their partner to be romantic. Women want to feel appreciated and special. It isn’t the same if we say “Hey, I’d really like you to throw me a surprise party for my birthday.” compared to them coming up with the idea and planning it on their own. What’s so romantic about that?! Women tend to be more emotional beings, and have different emotional needs than men do. Maybe that’s why we want things to be more romanticized than men?
But then I started thinking about my husband. Why would his thoughts be any differently when the tables are turned? Why wouldn’t he want to feel appreciated and special, and know that I took the effort to think about and plan something nice just for him? Wouldn’t that fulfill the same needs that it fulfills for women? Maybe it does. But maybe men just don’t voice their feelings like women do.
Our lives get so busy anymore. Work commitments, family commitments, too many activities for kids. We meet ourselves coming and going unlike the generations before us. Maybe both men and women need to take more time to think about their partner, and do something nice for them. Maybe we all need to slow down just a little and appreciate our loved ones. That being said, I know that it is easier said than done in the now crazy busy world that we live in. Maybe women just need to tell their partner what it is they really want instead of hoping that they can read our minds…
So, as my 40th birthday approaches, I don’t want anything special, I don’t want a big deal made out of my birthday. Okay, maybe deep down I really do… Maybe, just maybe, a little something special will make turning 40 a little easier!