The past week and a half has been slightly chaotic for me and I haven’t had much time to sit down and write, but have lots of things on my mind! We are embarking on the ever stressful event of listing our house and looking for a new one. In addition, I have been sick, my kids and husband have been sick, and we have had a few snow days thrown in for added fun! I am quite certain that all of these events continue to add to what I recently discovered.
Not too long ago I noticed my first gray hair. Oh. My. God. Now I know that I am quite fortunate in the fact that many women have discovered their first gray hairs many years in age before I did, as my mom likes to remind me. All in all, 38, almost 39, isn’t too bad I suppose. But for whatever reason it really took me aback. I don’t consider myself to be really vain. Don’t get me wrong, like most women, I highlight my hair, I worry somewhat about my body image, I like to wear makeup, and I like to dress decent. But overall I am not what I would consider a “high maintenance” woman. (My husband is VERY thankful for this!) But gray hair. Hmmmm. Discovering my first one certainly stirred some emotions in me.
After having a third child, 11 years after my first child, at 37 years old, and being considered a high risk pregnancy due to my age, I feel old suddenly. I have to say, health practitioners using the term “Advanced Maternal Age” to describe this certainly doesn’t help, especially during a time when your emotions are crazy out of control! My first visit to the specialist I happened to have a Locum Tenen Doctor that was in while the Doctor was out on vacation. At first I wasn’t so sure about her, she seemed a little strange. But I quickly came to like her when she said that she didn’t like to use the phrase “Advanced Maternal Age” (AMA), but rather preferred referring to us as WOW, Woman of Wisdom. Hello! I love her! What a much nicer way to say you are old.
Not only does just being pregnant at 37 make you feel old, but having a toddler and trying to keep up with them at this age makes me feel old! It was never a problem when I was younger, but I find it more trying dealing with a toddler at this age, not to mention that I just don’t have the energy I used to have.
My body also feels older. It’s harder to maintain the figure that I used to have and never had to worry about. I have so many more aches and pains than I had when I was younger. My body is starting to feel old!
As I rapidly approach my 39th birthday in a few months, I am beginning to struggle more and more with my age. Some people have trouble with 30. Well, 30 blew right by me. I felt great, I felt young, my kids were young, my body was still in great shape. 30 didn’t seem to bother me at all. But 40. I don’t know. There is just something about it that I am not liking. I have a feeling that this milestone isn’t going to quite as well received by me as 30 was. And recently finding my first gray hairs certainly isn’t helping the situation! (And yes, I am currently plucking them when I find them, and I realize that isn’t going to help the situation, but somehow I can’t help it!)
I guess I will have to put myself in the mental thought of being a Woman of Wisdom. Telling myself that I’m not just older, but wiser. And with age and wisdom comes a sense of peace. So here’s to finding my inner wisdom and peace as I continue down this path of life!